Sunday, August 26, 2012

Don't Hate Me: Fifty Shades - A Review, no spoilers, though.

(This Post is a little NC-17 - so young readers, stay away)...

She wrote what?
 
 
First, I'm not gonna lie...This book had a decidedly better plot line than the first, but although E.L. James offered her desperate readers a closer look at the enigmatic "Mr. Grey," the author left much to be desired in the way of character development - Especially with her young heroine, Ana Steele, who managed to disappoint  by extending doubt about her already questionable common sense, and frankly, total lack of  personality.

 (I can  already feel your dirty glares - but I'm not finished).

If the first Fifty Shades succeeded in committing total grammar atrocity (I mean, like a balls-out crime against nature), then the second's attempt at continuing in the murderous tradition resulted in total cataclysm. (I'm waiting for an actual apocalypse on the third).

I mean, where was this woman's copy-editor? She deserves to be flogged - and not in the Christian Grey way either.

Hey, I'm not perfect, in fact, I am sure that many of my own posts may contain a grammar no-no or two, or have a few "slang"  words here and there. but I would hope that if I ever wrote a book that there would be somebody there to stop me from committing gross assault on the English Language.

And please, please, please. . .STOP with the "copy-and-paste" sex!!
(Thanks to my friend Shannon for that gem of a quip - wish I had thought of it)!

Again, I can't lie -- the book was hot at first. It made me feel about 100% woman, and about, well 0% lady. I have never experienced (I mean read -lol) anything quite like it.  Although I am hoping we are all willing acknowledge just how unrealistic the normal sex in the book is.  . . I guess that doesn't mean it wasn't totally hot - at first.

But after about the third  "Vanilla" encounter, (Christan's term for non-kinky sex) - I got a pretty steady case of brain freeze. Really. One more mention of  -- hair being pulled, somebody being panty-less, "full,"wet,""panting," not able to  hungry-but-not-for-food," or any more talk of his chest hair "twitchy palms," or "blazing gray eyes" --and  I'm gonna explode, and totally not in the "Ana-way"

And don't even get me started on all the weird stuff. I'd rather just ignore it. (Totally aware that it is central to the limited plot , but really - that is all A LITTLE MUCH)! And the whole his-mom-thing and the brunette-girls-that-look-like-his-mom-thing.Ick Can I please take a moment to say that Audrey Hepburn, Kristen Davis and the mom from Wishbone have all passed out cold?!? Any woman in her right might would run for the hills. .

Ah, but like Ana I suppose, my own questionable judgement has me waiting around for more. So stay tuned, let's see if my innocence, (if there's any of it left at all) can't be totally obliterated in the third and final installment - Fifty Shades Freed.

Oh brother. . .
 . . .oh mother.

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